No More Hiding
by Smol Kitty Yura
Summary: Merlin is done hiding his magic and with lying to Arthur about it. It's eating him alive. Knowing that Arthur will have him executed, Merlin decides to go out on his own terms. *Triggar* Self harm and suicidal tendancies/attempt
1. Means to an End

**Triggar warning! Mentions of suicide, suicide attempt and strong self harm.**

 **Disclaimer; I do not own Merlin if I did Athur wouldn't have died, Merlin wouldn't have to hide his magic and the pair would have many more adventures.**

 **P.S. This is my very first fanfiction so I hope I did well. Reviews will be much appreciated.**

 **Chapter 1** ; _The means to an end._

Merlin had, had enough. Arthur was now the man he was meant to be thanks to Merlin and now that Arthur was king he was confident he was going to be the greatest king Camelot had ever known. Therefore he no longer needed Merlin. After all Arthur was and is the once and future king.

Merlin was tired and so done with hiding his magic. He no longer cared how Arthur would react or that he might be executed. Suppressing it hurt so much that he may aswell be dead, but the thing that hurt most was that he had to lie to his master, friend and king. He wasn't going to lie anymore. He was going to tell Athur no matter the consequence.

Gaius was having his afternoon nap. In his old age it was sometimes necessary. Meanwhile Merlin was in his room pacing. "I have to, I have to, I must do it. There's no other way." He said to himself. He then fell to his knees and pulled out his magic book from under the floor boards. He opened it up to a page near the end of the book. There staring back at him was the shaving razor he had 'borrowed' from Gaius a few months prior. He held the razor in his hand, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He traced his fingers along the red scars on his arm. He only started cutting himself a few months ago so the scars haven't had a real chance to heal, even though he's done it only four times. He brought the blade down to his wrist and held it there. The few times he cut he never cut his wrist because he didn't want Arthur or Gaius to see them. However now it didn't matter. He pushed down hard on the razor, blood already seeping from under the blade. Then he dragged the blade across his wrist hissing in pain. It hurt, terribly, but he didn't care. Once again he brought the razor down to his wrist and dragged. Merlin sat up and watched the blood begin to drip onto the floor. Bringing the razor to his other wrist he effortlessly dragged it across. How had he let himself become so far gone as to need to do this. He couldn't even remember why he started.

Now that blood was dripping from both of his wrists he made his way out of his room, leaving on his bed a note for Gaius he had written a couple days ago. He quietly moved toward the remedy shelf. He grabbed the first poison looking vial he could find and headed for the door. Merlin stopped at the door and starred into the room to see Gaius one last time. It was then he spotted the trail of blood, but it didn't matter he was already half dead, by the time Gaius woke up it would be too late.

He quickly but swiflty walked towards Arthurs chambers, making sure no one spotted him to stop or delay him. Merlin was on a mission and no one was going to stop him from succeeding .

When Merlin got to Arthur's door he stopped pulling out the vial of poison. He wasn't taking any chances. He pulled the cork off the bottle and swallowed it all in one go. That way Arthur couldn't stop him. Then he put the empty bottle back in his pocket and opened the door. As soon as he was inside he was met with Arthur standing right in front of him, arms crossed and a very annoyed look on his face. "Merlin! Where the hell have you been?" Arthur began, "You never woke me, you didn't bring me my breakfast, you didn't scrub my boots or polish my armour or..." Suddenly Arthur's look of annoyance became one of great concern.

Merlin was begining to feel faint. He knew it wouldn't be long now.

"You, you're bleeding." Arthur said nodding to his bloody hands. Merlin looked at him with tear filled eyes, then he looked at the ground. He watched his tears merge with the the droplets of blood falling from his wrists. "Merlin. What have you done? What's wrong?" Arthur's concern was growing more and more by the second. He was really worried about Merlin. Arthur couldn't wrap his mind around the scene before him.

Merlin again looked at Arthur tears streaming down his face. Merlin couldn't stop the tears from falling the realisation that this would be the last time he saw Arthur was too great. "I... I..."

Arthur could see that Merlin was literally dying to tell him something. The skinny boy before him had gone as white as snow.

It hurts too much Merlin thought to himself, but he knew he had to tell Arthur the truth. "I..." His emotions failed him once again. He took a deep breath and managed to compose himself long enough to say, "I have magic. I'm so sorry Arthur."

The second Merlin finished he collapsed. Arthur managed to catch him just before he hit the ground. He had completely forgotten what Merlin had just told him. He was too worried about his dear servant and friend to care. "Merlin!" He began to cry and rock on the floor with his friend in his arms, "Merlin. Please Merlin wake up. Please."

When Merlin collapsed everything went black and the last thing he heard was Arthur crying his name, begging him to wake up.

 **Thanks for reading. Chapter 2 'How to Save a Life' will be coming soon.**


	2. How to Save a Life

"Please wake up! Why didn't you come and talk to me?" Arthur cried. "Help! Somebody please help me!" He shouted so loudly his voice broke into more cries.

Meanwhile Gwaine was wandering about the castle. After standing at his post for so long he liked to walk about the place to loosen his legs. On his wander he suddenly heard someone shouting. He ran following the shout to Arthur's chambers. He stopped at the door listening. The shouting had broken into painful sobs. He slowly pushed the door open, completely unprepared for what was on the other side. There lay his best friend in the arms of his king, blood seeping from under his sleeves. "Arthur, what happened?" Gwaine asked his voice full of emotion.

Arthur looked at him tears filling his eyes once again. "I... I don't know. He came to tell me something, but I didn't hear it and then he..." Arthur paused his emotions threatening to fail him again. "He collapsed." He cried looking at Gwaine and then back at Merlin. Arthur then stood up with Merlin still in his arms. He'd never realised how thin and frail Merlin was. "We better get him to Gaius. Maybe there's a chance he can save him."

Gwaine held the door open as Athur hurried towards Gaius' chambers.

"Gaius! Gaius!" Arthur shouted as he pushed open the door.

Gaius had awoken about a half hour ago and was now at his book shelf when he heard Arthur practically screaming his name down the corridor. "Sire, what is going on?" Gaius asked turning round to greet his king. Arthur ran past him towards Merlin's room. Gaius followed Arthur, very lost as to what was going on.

Athur lay Merlin down on his bed, not noticing the note addressed to Gaius at Merlin's foot.

Gaius stopped at the door post now understanding the commotion. "Arthur, what happened?"

"I'll explain later." Arthur began in a slightly irritated tone. He knew every second was vital to saving Merlin, seconds that should not be wasted on pointless questions. "I think he has lost a lot of blood. Is there anything you can do?"

Gaius gave Arthur an unsure look. "I don't know Sire. I will have to inspect the source of the blee..." Before Gaius could finish Arthur rolled up both of Merlin's sleeves revealing multiple deep cuts on his wrists, and several red scars along his arm. Arthur felt the blood drain from his body. "Oh Merlin." Gaius gasped covering his hand with his mouth.

"Can you save him Gaius?" Arthur asked holding his breath.

Gaius abruptly left the room. He returned in what seemed like a lifetime to Arthur with a bowl of hot water, a cloth and bandages. Gaius knelt down beside Merlin and began cleaning his wounds.

Arthur watched Gaius intently, neither of them uttering a word. As soon as Merlin's wrists were bandaged Arthur spoke, releasing the breath he didn't relise he was still holding, "Well?"

Gaius sighed, "I'm afraid there's nothing else we can do, but wait." Gaius then got Arthur to help hold Merlin up while he removed Merlin's blood stained jacket. As he did Gaius felt a weight in one of the pockets, he reached his hand in and pulled out a vial. That's when it hit him.

Arthur watched as Gaius' eyes filled with tears. Arthur had never seen the man before him cry, so to see it now terrified him. "What? What is it Gaius? Arthur asked his voice filled with fear.

Gaius sat down on the edge of Merlin's bed and looked Arthur dead in the eye. "Merlin was trying to kill himself."

The moment the words left Gaius' lips Arthur stumbled back against the wall, looking as though he had been stabbed in the chest. He slowly let himself fall to the floor and held his head in his hands. "That explains the scars on his arms and the cuts on his wrists." Arthur mumbled. "I didn't realise he was so depressed."

"Nor did I Sire, but he didn't entirely succeed." Gaius said calmly.

"What do you mean? That vial is poision, isn't it?" Arthur replied inquisitively.

"I am happy to say that it's not. It is but rather a strong sleeping remedy."

"Thank heaven for that then." Arthur said feeling relieved.

"Sire you should return to your chambers and rest. Merlin will be asleep for at least another 24 hours."

"You'll wake me if there's any change?"

Gaius simply nodded and then he stood up to bow to his king.

"Well okay then." And with that Arthur left.

Gaius found himself sighing again, so he grabbed a chair sat down beside Merlin. "Why didn't you come to me? I could have helped. You were never alone Merlin and you never will be."

About an hour later Gaius decided to get some rest himself. As he went to leave he turned around to glance at Merlin before he did. That's when he saw a bit of paper poking out from under Merlin's blanket. He pulled the paper out from under the blanket an sat back down in the chair beside Merlin's bed. He turned the paper over to find it was a letter addressed to him. Eager to know Merlin's reasoning behind his suicide attempt Gaius quickly opened the letter.

 _Dear Gaius,_

 _Words can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for what I am about to put you through. You have been much more than a friend to me these past years, you've been like a father to me. And despite all of my screw ups you continued to stand by me. So you must know that this has nothing to do with you. Now that Arthur is king, and that Mordred and Morgana are dead I shouldn't have to lie to about my magic, but I do. If Arthur knew I'd lied to him all these years I would lose his friendship and trust, never mind my own life. And I can't lie to him anymore. It hurts too much to the point where just get really depressed. It's not worth the aggravation. So I'm going to tell Arthur that I have magic and I'm going to make sure that I die on my own terms once I do. I think death would hurt that much more if it were at a dear friend's hand. And honestly my life just isn't worth living anymore. I'm sorry but there is no other way.  
_

 _All my love, Merlin._

 _P.S. Tell the prat not to blame himself. It had nothing to do with him, and tell him I believe in him._

Gaius starred at the fragil, raven haired boy. Tears streaming down his face, he cried so much that eventually he found himself drifting off to sleep.

 **Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Chapter 3 will be on it's way soon. Also I apologize for any typos, my microsoft word needs renew which I don't have the money to do right now. So I'm using word pad and it doesn't have spell check.**


	3. The Almost Final Goodbye

_"Are you ready to die for your sorcery and lies, Merlin?" A dark voice whispered. Merlin opened his eyes to find he was in the dungeons. On the other side of the cell door stood Uther Pendragon with a very sickly grin painted on his face._

 _"No... Uther... you're... you're dead." Merlin stuttered in disbelief. How can Uther be standing in front of him and how did he end up in a dungeon cell? Last time he checked he was as good as dead in Arthur's chambers._

 _Uther's sickly grin grew into an unnervingly big smile. "Don't worry Merlin. Just because I'm dead does not mean that I won't makes sure you die as you should."_

 _"No!" Merlin screamed. "Arthur's my friend and I've only every used my magic to protect him."_

 _"You will pay with your life, sorcerer!" Uther screamed before spitting in Merlin's face._

 _Then as if right on cue two guards opened the cell door and grabbed an either side of Merlin. He tried to resist, but the guards were to strong and continued to drag him away._

 _After a mere few seconds Merlin was abruptly thrown on his knees. It was then he looked up to see Arthur giving him a cold stare. It took all of his energy to hold eye contact with Arthur, dreading what was about to unfold._

" _You Merlin." Arthur sternly began. "Have been found guilty of lying to your king and practising the use of sorcery. Therefore you are an enemy of Camelot..." As Arthur hesitated Merlin could see a hint of sadness and doubt in his eyes. As though he didn't want say what he was about to next._

 _Merlin hadn't noticed before that Uther was standing behind Arthur. "He lied to you. He is an enemy of Camelot. He must die." He heard Uther whisper into Arthur's ear._

" _Merlin for your treason. I sentence you to death." Arthur finished coldly. It was like the emotion he was feeling only minutes ago had been sucked out of his soul._

" _No Arthur please. I'm so sorry. Please, it's not my fault. I was born with magic. Please, I'm your friend." Merlin begged while being dragged to the courtyard. The guards stood Merlin up on the platform and placed the noose around his neck. He couldn't stop the tears from falling, he was really going to die at his best friend's hand. He looked up to where Arthur was standing and he continued to look at Merlin coldly. Arthur gave a nod telling the executioner to pull the trap door open. "No. Please Arthur. No!" He screamed. Right before everything went black Merlin heard Arthur say, "You are no friend of mine."  
_

Merlin woke up a moment later screaming in an intense state of panic. Gaius burst through the door seconds later holding a pillow in a defensive position. "Merlin what is it? Are you okay?" Gaius asked worriedly.

"Oh yeah. Sorry Gaius. It was just a bad dream." Merlin replied feeling embarrassed. Now noticing the pillow in Gaius' hand he asked, "What on earth were you going to do with a pillow?"

"Well I don't know. It was the first thing in my hand." Gaius' face became concerned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About the pillow?" Merlin asked in a pretend confused tone.

Gaius knew Merlin was joking and gave him an unamused look. "No. Do you want to talk about the dream?"

"Na it's fine. Thank you Gaius, you're a good friend."

"Get some rest, we'll talk in the morning." Gaius replied before closing the door as he left the room.

Now alone Merlin realised that he was in fact, not dead. This disappointed him greatly. He put his hand to his head to wipe the now cold sweat from his forehead until he noticed a bandage wrapped around his wrist. He check his other wrist to find it bandaged as well. _Oh no._ He thought to himself. _They've seen the scars and cuts. What must Arthur and Gaius think of me._ Merlin then jumps out of bed falling to his knees to pull out his magic book from under the floor boards. He quickly flips it to the page containing his trusty razor to find it's no longer there. "Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?" Merlin cried frantically. He began searching every square inch of his room. After 20 minutes he gave up realising Gaius most likely confiscated it.

"Damn!" He thought to himself. Knowing there was nothing more he could do tonight, Merlin climbed back into bed and began mulling over his nightmare. He couldn't help but think about how real it felt. What plagued him more was what Arthur said to him just before he woke up. "You are no friend of mine." He whispered to himself. _Arthur must hate me for what I did to him._ He thought as he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

 **Thanks so much for reading. I promise things will look brighter for Merlin in the next chapter. R & R's are much appreciated.**


	4. Understandings

**Sorry for the wait but here is Chapter 4. Enjoy =)**

Merlin had awoken that morning drenched in cold sweat and shaking from lack of heat in his body. He had also awoken to find Gwain sitting in the chair beside his bed. "What are you doing here?" Merlin asked trying to sit up.

Gwain quickly moved to help Merlin sit himself up before answering. "I wanted to see how you were."

Merlin looked at Gwain suspiciously. "How did you find out? Did Arthur tell you I was here?"

"Merlin. I was there. I heard Arthur shouting and I came running when I got there he was in hysterics cradling you in his arms. It was intense."

"Oh... I didn't realise you were there. Thanks for being here but I'm fine." Merlin tried to sound as reassuring as he could to get rid of Gwain he really didn't feel up to answering questions.

Gwain stared at Merlin briefly and then roared in a fit of laughter. He abruptly stopped laughing. "I am your best friend. I know when something is wrong with you. I saw the blood running from your wrists that night. So don't give me that 'I'm fine' shit. I know you've been depressed for months, I could see it in your eyes every time you smiled. Now as your best friend you are going to tell me what happened and why it happened. Whether you like it or not." He sat back in his seat, crossed his arms and gave Merlin a look to say 'I'm not budging'.

Merlin gave a huge sigh knowing he wasn't going to be able to avoid this. So pulling the blanket over his chest he began. "You're right Gwain, I am most definitely not fine. From the day I set foot in Camelot I've carrying a great burden, a destiny that must be kept a secret. In that destiny I must protect Arthur."

"But Arthur is safe, you have fulfilled that of your destiny. You are a good man." Gwain cut in.

Merlin continued, "Yes. Mordred and Morgana are dead. Arthur is a great king and he is safe. But my secret just kept eating me up inside I hated lying to Arthur, and to you, and Gwen. You're my friends. Anyway it just got to the point were suppressing my secret was making me severely depressed. So I took one of Gaius' shaving razors and when the depression became to much I would relieve myself with it." Merlin rolled up his sleeves to show Gwain the scars on his arms. He watched as Gwain looked at his arms in shock.

"So how did the other night happen? Did you accidentally cut too deep or something?" Gwain asked not sure he really wanted to know the answer.

Merlin sighed deeply not really wanting to answer. "That night I had made up my mind to tell Arthur my secret. The problem is my secret could get me executed and the thought of dying at Arthur's hand was to painful to bare."

"Merlin if you're trying to tell me you have magic, save your breath. I already know." Gwain grinned.

Merlin was as shocked as Gwain when he saw his arms. "But, how?"

"You really think I didn't notice all those not so close calls and lucky accidents. Like I said before I'm your _best_ friend you can't keep secrets from me." He answered still grinning from ear to ear.

Suddenly Gaius walked into the room. "Merlin I am glad to see you are awake. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Hello Gaius. I'm fine, thank you for asking." Merlin replied.

"You're just in time Gaius. Merlin was just telling me about what and why he did what he did the other night." Gwain said inviting Gaius over.

"Please don't stop on my account. I want to know as well." Gaius said gently sitting on the end of Merlin's bed.

"Fine." Merlin agreed figuring it was better to kill two bird with one stone. "So I had decided to tell Arthur that I have magic. Keeping it a secret from him was just making me really depressed. And I know he would probably have me killed and the thought of dying at his hand was to painful. So I tried to kill myself. I had planned it so that I would die shortly after telling him. So I cut up my wrists and stole a vial of poison from you Gaius, to make I got the job done right." As soon as he had finished Merlin just sat there in silence, rubbing his wrist under his blanket. Gaius placed his hand on Merlin's lap, his way of letting him know he was there for him. Gwain cussed under his breath and held his head in his hands trying to keep the tears from falling. He then sat up and wiped his eyes.

"I kind of you knew you were trying to kill yourself but I just didn't want to believe it. Why didn't you come and talk to Gaius or me?" He asked.

"How could I?" Merlin replied beginning to cry as well. "How could I come and tell you, 'Oh hey Gaius, Gwain. I have decided to tell Arthur I have magic and I plan on committing suicide after tell him.'" It was at that moment Merlin felt the damn inside him break. "I had already convinced myself you guys didn't need me and that you would be better off without me." He blubbered not even trying to hold back his emotions. Gwain sat beside Merlin on the edge of his bed and just hugged his friend.

Gaius left the room to prepare some lunch and to give the two friends some privacy.

Merlin and Gwain sat, hugged and cried for at least a good 45 minutes.

"I'm glad I failed." Merlin said breaking the sobs and silence. Gwain sat up and looked at his friend in confusion. "I'm glad I failed at you know, killing myself." He repeated, meaning it.

"As am I." Gaius interrupted, standing at the door. "Sorry to interrupt but lunch is ready. You're welcome to join us Gwain."

"I'd love to but I'm meeting Serena for lunch before I have to go to training." Gwain answered.

"Who is Serena?" Merlin asked.

"Oh you know just a girl I kind of hooked up with last night."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "And you're meeting her for lunch. Sounds serious."

"Well maybe something more than a hook up will be good for me. Anyway I'll be sure to tell Arthur you're awake. See you later." Gwain replied before running out the door.

Gaius also left the room and returned a few seconds later with two wooden crutches. "Now Merlin you are going to feel pretty weak for a few days, You lost quite a bit of blood. But these should help you get about with a bit more ease."

"Couldn't you just bring me my food in bed?" He asked lazily.

"What do I look like? Your man servant?" Gaius asked sarcastically. "No. It is important that you move about a bit to rebuild some strength in your body and get some fresh air." Merlin threw the blanket off his body, he flung his feet over the edge of the bed and tried to push himself to his feet. He hadn't realise how weak he was. He took the crutches that Gaius handed him and stood up. "Wow, that poison must have done some damage." He stated.

"It wasn't poison you took Merlin. Otherwise you would be dead." Gaius replied.

"Then what was it?"

"It was a very strong but otherwise harmless sleeping remedy. Now come and get some lunch I bet you are very hungry."

And right on cue Merlin's stomach gave off a loud grumble.

"Come on and get some food to feed that lion." Gaius joked heading out the door as Merlin hobbled along behind him.

Merlin couldn't help but laugh at himself for grabbing a sleeping remedy instead of poison. But he truly was glad and he felt ten times better having talked to Gaius and Gwain.


	5. Truth Be Told

**Thanks for your reviews guys it what encourages me to keep writing. I hope to have the next chapter in a few days depending on work and stuff.**

Shortly after lunch and a lecture from Gaius about how dangerous his self harm is. Merlin hobbled along to Arthur's chambers. As he did he could feel small bit of his strength returning, but not enough to not need his crutches. He had only been back on his feet for a few hours. When he got to Arthur's chamber doors he stopped and knocked.

Arthur was sitting at his dining table working on maps for a quest. Then he heard a faint knock at the door. "Hello, who is it?" he asked.

"It's Merlin."

Arthur jumped to his feet and opened the door. He was overcome with joy to see his friend up and about. Arthur picked Merlin up in a massive hug, causing him to drop his crutches. "Merlin, I'm so happy that you are feeling better. Come on in and talk to me. When was the last time we talked?"

"Oh I don't know... at my hearing before Uther convinced you to have me hanged in my dream two nights ago I think. I don't really remember I've been locked up in my room so long I've lost all sense of time." Merlin replied legs still dangling above the ground.

"Okay seriously come in and talk to me." Arthur said setting Merlin down. In all the excitement of seeing his friend out of bed he completely missed the two wooden crutches. When he could see Merlin's feet were on the ground he let go. The minute he did Merlin could feel his legs crumble as he collapsed right on the floor. _Well this is a familiar._ Merlin thought to himself.

"Shit Merlin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't really get about right now without crutches." He said gripping his crutches beside him on the floor. He attempted to get up on his own, but it wasn't happening.

"It's okay Merlin, I've got you." Arthur said rushing to Merlin's aid.

"No Arthur, just help me on my..." But before he could finish Arthur had one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. He picked him up and carried him over to sit at the table. He then went back to the hall for the crutches and closed the door behind him. Passing Merlin his crutches as he sits down beside him. Merlin thanks him hesitantly, feeling slightly degraded.

"Right so begin with the dream where I had you hanged." Arthur gently demanded.

"I was in the dungeons where Uther's ghost was tormenting me and telling me I deserve to die. Then I was dragged to the throne room for a hearing where Uther whispered in your ear to have me executed. You had me dragged out to be hanged and just before I blacked out I saw you mouth _you are no friend of mine_." He finished beginning to choke on his emotions.

Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes and replied, "You know that would never happen. I would never admit this to anyone but you are my dearest friend and nothing could ever change that."

"Now what I really want to know is what the hell happened the other night?" Arthur asked sternly.

"I guess it's not much of a secret I've been pretty depressed lately. Also you're safe now. Mordered and Morgana are dead. You don't need me to protect you any more and the thought of dying at your hand was to unbearable. So I-"

"So you thought killing yourself was the way to handle it." Arthur cut in. "Merlin I may not need you to protect me any more, even though I never really did, but I do still need you as my friend. I always will, even if I don't admit it."

"Your right Arthur. I'm sorry" He apologized.

"No apology necessary. I'm the one that should be saying sorry for making you feel like you couldn't come to me with this. Please if you are ever considering doing this again come and talk to me."

"I promise I will." Merlin sincerely replied.

"Good." Arthur said his smile returning to him. "Are you hungry?"

"No, but I wouldn't mind going down to the tavern for a pint and some games."

"I don't think so you need to rest."

"I've been resting for days. I just want to get out."

"Okay, but just one pint and I'm paying." Arthur insisted. Then he got up and when to pick Merlin up again.

"Woah woah woah! What are you doing?" Merlin asked suddenly feeling rather irritated.

"I'm helping you to the tavern."

"Noyou were about to _carry_ me to the tavern. I'm not paralysed. I can do things for myself."

"You can't even stand without those crutches. I'm just trying to be a good friend." Arthur argued.

"I only need the crutches for about a week. I lost a lot of blood trying to kill myself. I'm not going to be 100 percent right away." Merlin said with more bite than intended.

Feeling the bite Arthur stormed over to the door and opened it. "Then maybe you should leave until you're '100 percent'."

"Then maybe I will." Merlin agreed, hobbling to the door. He stopped at the doorway. "And Arthur since you clearly missed it the other night. I have magic."

"No you don't. I would know if you had magic." Arthur replied so sure it wasn't possible the scrawny boy before him has magic.

"I do."

"Prove it." Arthur insists.

Merlin looked at the candle on Arthur's dinning table, he uttered a spell and as his eyes glowed gold the candle lit up.

Completely shocked at what he just witnessed and still high on the adrenaline from their argument minutes before, "Get out of my sight." He ordered quietly.

"Just what I thought. Gladly." After having the last word Merlin hobbled out and down the hall to go to the tavern alone. As he did he hear Arthur's chamber door slam shut.

Enraged Arthur punched the wall, bleeding his knuckles in the process. He screamed in pain. He was so angry at Merlin for keeping something like this from him. He wrapped his hand in a cloth and lay down on his bed. He was way more than angry, he was heart broken. That Merlin actually believed he would have him executed. Didn't they're friendship mean anything?

It wasn't long before Arthur became so lost in his thoughts he was drifting off to sleep. Maybe he can have a more rational discussion with Merlin tomorrow.

 **If any of you are dealing with self harm or suicidal thoughts please know that you are so completely loved. And please talk to someone. =)**


	6. Stand By Me

**Sorry it's been a while since I last updated this. I've been fixated on another fanfic. So thank you for your patience.**

 **Enjoy =)**

Arthur woke up that morning to find his father's ghost at the end of his bed.

" _Why does Merlin still live?"_ Uther asked.

"Because he is my friend." Arthur defended.

" _He is a sorcerer. He does not deserve your mercy let alone your friendship. He deserves to die the death of a criminal."_ He spat back.

"Merlin isn't evil and I am not you, Uther."

" _How dare you! I am your father and king, and you will address me as such."_

"Your dead. Just like Merlin almost was last week. Because of your evil reign and all the rubbish you shouted about how all people that practice magic are evil... Merlin tried to kill himself. Had I not been there he could have died." Arthur's eyes were becoming glazed with emotion. He hated that Merlin could feel so much self loathing to point where he thought suicide was the answer.

" _Good."_ Uther answered cruelly. _"You should have let the traitor die with his secret."_

"No. You don't get to say that about something you do not understand." With that Arthur fled his chambers to speak with Gaius.

He burst into the room startling the old man. "Sire." He gasped.

"Gaius, my father's ghost has returned. How do we get rid of him?" Arthur asked in a flustered state.

"Did you use the Horn of Cathbhadh?"

"No. I did away with that accursed horn after the first time."

Gaius looked troubled at what he had just heard. "The only other reason for his I can think of... is..." He paused for a moment to process the thought. Then shooting Arthur a worried stare he asked, "Where is Merlin?"

"Is he not in his room?" Arthur replied. He was so sure that his friend returned here after their _talk_ last night.

"I'm afraid I haven't seen him since he left for your chambers. Did something happen?"

"He told me about his magic and I didn't really react in the best way considering the circumstances. When he left I thought he'd come here."

"I'm sorry Sire, but if he had returned here I would have known."

Arthur is hit with a wave of fear and rushes to Merlin's room. His anxiety grew when Gaius' words were confirmed. Merlin's room was empty and his bed hadn't been slept in. He then left his physicians chambers in search of his manservant and friend.

Given last week it was on natural that Arthur assumed Merlin would try again. Terrified he made his way to the castle tower. Merlin wasn't there, so he went to edge hoping he wouldn't be over it. Slightly relieved he ran back down the steps and out of the castle. Wondering if Gwain or Percival could tell him if they had seen Merlin, he moved quickly through the people towards the tavern. As soon as he was inside he no longer needed to ask where his dear friend was. There asleep with his head on a table near the back, was Merlin.

Happy to see he was okay, Arthur tiptoed over to where he was sleeping and gently kicked his foot. "Merlin? I hope you know you are drooling all over Evoric's lovely table."

"I don't drool. I'm too cool for that." Merlin mumbled slowly sitting up and Arthur occupied the seat next to him.

"Of course you are." Arthur replied mockingly, rolling his eyes. " How are you feeling?"

"Why do you even _care_ about how I feel? I thought you hated me now." The reaven haired boy said with cynicism in his voice, and disbelief clear on his face.

Arthur crossed his arms and said, "If I hated you I wouldn't have been running about the castle like a prat looking for you. I was afraid you might-"

"Try kill myself again." Merlin finished. "Don't worry yourself with such tiny matters."

"I do and I didn't come here to fight again. I want to apologize. So can you take down your bloody wall for five minutes." Merlin was taken aback by the fact that Arthur was apologizing. He nodded allowing his King to continue. "I know I didn't react well when you told me about your magic. I was just angry that you lied and kept it hidden from me all these years. I was even more angry at the fact you thought telling me about it knowing you were about to die was the best way too. You are more than my manservant Merlin, you are my friend and I would have been heartbroken had you succeeded in your attempt."

Merlin gave Arthur a sincere look of understanding. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you or Gaius, or Gwain. I know it was a _dollop head_ thing to do."

Arthur grinned when his friend called himself a dollop head. "You're right it was, but I was a dollop head as well." Arthur then reached over and gave Merlin a hug.

Surprised Merlin asked, "What the hell is this? Why?"

Arthur pulled away before replying, "That is what is should have responded with yesterday, but if you tell anyone I will make sure that you are on horse mucking duty for the next month."

" _What do you think you are doing fraternizing with this sorcerer? Why is he not in the dungeons awaiting his execution?"_

Arthur and Merlin both whipped their heads around to see Uther's ghost standing at the tavern door.

" _Arthur you are not the king I had hoped you would be. I cannot even begin to tell you how disappointed I am. You will be Camelots undoing."_

Merlin stood to his feet using the table to hold himself up. "Arthur is the the greatest king Camelot has ever known. He is the once and future king and he will unite the lands of Albion." Merlin replied in Arthur's defence.

" _You have no right to speak to me about my son, sorcerer."_ Uther spat back at Merlin. He then charged right through Merlin, knocking him to the ground.

The sensation of having a ghost walk through you was chilling. Merlin felt cold, terrified and as though his soul had been ripped from his chest.

Arthur jumped to the raven haired boy's defence, just as Merlin had done for him. "You have no power here, Uther. Now leave!" He demanded.

Uther shot his son and Merlin a cold glare and left.

Arthur helped Merlin to his feet, handing him his crutches. He rejected the crutches. "I don't need them." He said slowly moving to leave the tavern, but fell after a few steps.

Concerned the blonde scrambled to help him up again. "Merlin you don't have the strength to walk on your own yet. You lost a lot of blood last week and you only woke up a couple days ago."

Merlin pushed him away. "No. I can do this. We need to speak to Gaius and I need to become strong enough to face Uther. As long as he is around you are in danger and so is all of Camelot."

Arthur knew he wasn't going to be able to convince his stubborn friend. "Fine. At least let me help you to Gaius."

"Okay, but don't you dare carry me." Merlin warned. "I already feel helpless enough."

Arthur then gave Merlin his arm and he took it as they slowly walked back to castle.

Now that he thought about it, carrying Merlin yesterday probably shot his pride. If it were him he'd want to hold on to whatever dignity he had left.

No matter how much Merlin may fight him he was going to stand by him through this. Even though he would never admit it Arthur knew the raven haired boy wanted him to do just that. Stand by him.

 **Thank you so much for the reviews and for the follows. I will update when I can.**

 **Until the next chapter.**


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